THE BRAVE SERIES : PART 4

Hey you ! Welcome back 😃.. quick question, what kind of songs do you listen to ? Are you a shy Person ? Do you think you have no use on earth?

Hmm .. well keep those answers right in your head and at the end of this reading, compare and let me know what you feel in the comment section, will you ?😃

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I present Ebunoluwa Adeyemo , popularly known as Regalo . A music producer , a mentor , a low key comedian and a friend to many . He’s been here before, however, this time around , he’s here with more wisdom for us . Let’s hear what this king has to say .

I believe that one of the most dangerous things that can happen to a child is that child not believing in his/herself. The truth is, a lot of people, especially children and teenagers are either currently struggling with self esteem issues or have struggled with it before. I too, once fought that battle.

Anyone who knew me as a child always saw me as a quiet, gentle person. I usually kept to myself a lot, so it was easy for them to think I was that kind of person. But I was actually very shy. Most people today see being shy as ‘cute’ but it’s the complete opposite. Shy people are usually people with low self-esteem, crippled by fear and paralyzed with anxiety. I don’t exactly remember how I became like that or what caused it, but I know it was one of the biggest battles I faced.

I had a very low self-esteem, with the idea that I wasn’t useful to anyone or anything. I carried this mindset for years and it began to shape me into the person I was. I remember there was a time it was so bad, I couldn’t talk to anyone in my age group while making eye contact. I would either look at the floor or look past the person I was talking to. If I ever looked at the person I was talking to in the eye (especially if it was a girl) words would fail me instantly. I’d just freeze with no idea of what to say. Because I felt like that, I created a fantasy world in my head where I was the main character, the hero; the one everyone couldn’t do without. I would escape into my fantasy world whenever I could because that was the only way I could feel good about myself.

I had slipped into depression without knowing. I was also very emotional so if someone said anything to me that was in the slightest bit insulting, it would pierce through my heart like a harpoon. I was held captive by depression for so long that the cell became comfortable for me. Sometimes, I saw myself as a humble person, with the idea that God made me that way. I started to create my own ideas about life and humanity around this lie. I became someone who needed other people to feel good about myself.

My life would have probably continued this way if I didn’t meet Pastor Essien. I remember the first time I had a long conversation with him, he tore down the decorations I had put in my cell and made me realise that I was drowning in low self-esteem and depression. He prayed for me and helped me see myself the way God sees me, teaching me about who the Bible says I am.

I started to confess my reality according to what the Bible says. I also started to remove from my life anything that could keep me from accepting this new reality. One of those things was the type of songs I listened to regularly. Slowly but eventually, I changed my playlist and that helped a great deal. Then I started to act like the person God created me to be; a human filled with his spirit, called out of darkness, made righteous and holy. I grasped the reality that I can’t be a christian and have low self-esteem, those two just don’t mix.

Eventually, I had no need for the fantasy world I carried around in my head for years. I accepted the reality of God’s love and acted accordingly. Most people I meet now usually get shocked when they hear about the kind of person I was and the things I did to get accepted by people. Who I am now and who I was are like 2 completely different people. I understand what it means to be accepted by God, I understand that depression and low self-esteem have no place in my life and I also understand that I have to show this truth to people who haven’t encountered it at all.

Enjoyed it ?

Leave your comments below and let’s show some support to this great king.

Remember, you are loved !

Till next time , my good friend ❤

BOYE SHARON PAULINA

29TH MARCH, 2019

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MUNIBA MAZARI – We all are Perfectly Imperfect (English Subtitles)” on YouTube

For some reason, i decided to look back and question myself as to why I began “the brave series ” . Today, i realise it’s because I was inspired by this brave woman, “MUNIBA MAZARI”, a Pakistani artist, model, activist, motivational speaker, singer, social reformer and television host. She uses a wheelchair due to injuries sustained in a car accident at the age of 21 which makes her Pakistan’s first wheelchair-using model and her story is a great source of strength to me .

I’ve never seen such level of maturity ,perseverance and elegance before . It’s one to make you think beyond your own self and makes what seems like a limitation become your greatest inspiration! It awakens the relentless one in you !

I challenge you therefore to watch this video.

https://youtu.be/fBnAMUkNM2k

I sent it a while back to some friends and they were blessed ; for lessons learnt here are life lessons and so I thought to share with you as well, my beloved.

Be blessed as you watch this 40 minute video😃

It’s for a worthy course.

https://youtu.be/fBnAMUkNM2k

THE BRAVE SERIES : PART 3

Hey guys! Welcome back to Paulinaboye’s the brave series , I have a good one for you today!

Before we proceed however, can I just greet you a happy new year 💥😃😃💃! I’m for one grateful to be alive, what a gift it’s to see this day , i mean on the last day of 2018, i heard of 3 deaths, like 3 different messages from 3 unrelated people, it was like I was dreaming my way into the new year , sigh, I imagine how many more didn’t see the new year. Being alive , reading this post, take time out to say thank you to your maker, will you .

We should therefore remain hopeful, for we live , and we can make a difference while we do. So I pray for you, that this year will be filled with abundance and blessings and that you may experience transformation in every area of your life, you, my dear reader shall experience peace and joy for the rest of the year ! Amen.

Now, unto today’s story😃.

I showcase the life of my friend and sister , one whom I’m proud to know for she is a lady of distinct strength and dignity. A student of Central University, Ghana studying Human Resource management who today is sharing a story which is rare but insightful , i must say. Not to spoil what greatness you are about to read , but join me as I showcase a Jewel called Benedicta Wallace, read and be blessed .

She writes,

“Before I proceed I’d like to say a big thank you to God and Sharon for this platform and opportunity to share my story with you about my body and how it has affected my life.
Well I’m not all of a good writer but I hope to write to your understanding.

When Offered the opportunity to write I was thinking about how to begin, how to put my words in place, I even asked myself if I can do this but inspite of all , the Bible inspired me to know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I’m therefore not frightened anymore to do this. The wisdom of God will work in you to not only understand but see beyond letters to visualize everything more like a video. Amen 🙏🏽

I didn’t grow up like every other girl child where their parents encourage assertiveness, compliment healthy body image and girly attitudes.
I spent the first 13 years of my life with my father where I was brought up the hard way such as in behavior, discipline and morals otherwise like a soldier. Growing in such atmosphere I developed love for masculinity
I loved everything about boys. I preferred playing and hanging out with boys at a tender age to the extent of doing house chores that boys alone were allowed to do . 🤔 You can imagine.

As a result I looked exactly like a boy, as you can see .

In junior high school I would engage in every sports such as racing at which I was always the first, soccer, high jump, short put, volleyball and even tennis when ever I was on holidays.
I usually represented my school in sport competitions which made me popular as a celebrity in school. Inspite of all the praises and glory i enjoyed, I also got intimidated because I was literally referred to as WOMAN MAN and HANDSOME GIRL. I wasn’t really feeling bad about it until I got to senior high school and started developing some sense of maturity, during that period.

Unfortunately, I had to move to my mom’s.
It all started to dawn on me when I changed my environment and girls behaved and looked like girls and boys behaved and looked like boys.
My sisters had soft and flexible body while mine was the complete opposite. I always wondered why this and it brought about low self esteem,timidity and lack of confidence as a lady. I mean, my sister’s and I didn’t grow up together, we really were different. When it comes to dressing, I’d prefer T-shirt, trousers and even snickers because I’d always lie to my self that gowns and skirts don’t suit my shape and I’m just ugly.
I would always tell my self that when I grow up I will do a surgery to become a man because I look like a man already it was just left with the genitals.

My friends in school and church would always tease me by calling me that annoying name, “Woman man”, it was so intimidating that I used to hide from my friends.
As a result I quit all other sports activities and considered only golf since that was a family game.

I remember crying very bitterly to my mom about not liking my body shape, no female dress suiting me, people teasing me and all that. I also remember crying and begging God to please change my strong body to a soft one.
Well , I’m glad both My mom and God helped me get my confidence back , here’s how.
While crying to my mom, she dried my tears and told me something very striking and I will never forget. She said, “Bene my love, don’t you know that this body you are complaining about not everyone has it ; some people don’t have legs and arms but you have and you don’t like it”, she continued, “don’t you know that ladies these days want strong arms ?💪, don’t you see that Ladies with very soft arms wish it were like yours?”

These words brought a bit of self confidence to me and I was beginning to get proud of my body but i wasn’t confident enough still until God spoke to me and said, “you are looking at the wrong mirror look at the right mirror”.
The little word from God meant and still means a lot.
The wrong mirror represents what people say about me, the wrong mirror is the mirror I stand in front of every day only to condemn and hate my self.
The right mirror, however is the word of God.
The right mirror says I’m beautiful!
The right mirror says I’m perfect!
The right mirror says I’ve got all I need!
The right mirror says I’m fearfully and wonderfully made !

This brought completeness to my life that God actually knows and cares about all I’m going through even the smallest of it all.

I have realized that there’s nothing wrong with my body but there is a lot wrong with what I accept from the outside world about my body.
I can now dress like a lady and slay 💁.

No one is born hating themselves or their bodies. This is a learned behavior that has to stop being passed down from generation to generation.
Love your body shape because it’s yours be proud of . If you don’t people will give you reasons to hate it and God won’t be happy about it.
You have the body because God made it so.
So discover what you can do with it and stop living your life by what people say but rather live your life with what God is saying about you.

Thank you and God bless you 😊”

Like it ? Please share and leave your comments , thank you 😉.

See you next time! By the way, men in the house, get ready !💃

Boye Paulina Sharon

22nd January , 2019.

THE BRAVE SERIES : PART 2

On today’s episode of the brave series , we showcase a vibrant young lady known as , Lawal Damilola a.k.a LolahJune, Born and bred in Nigeria, she once worked as an Air hostess for Arik airline. She is a woman worthy of emulation and praise. A woman whose strength could be compared to that of a Lioness.

I once spent some of the most important years of my life living with her and i must tell you , those years are soo far , my most memorable years ; she taught me the true essence of leadership and she served as the sister i never had , here is the story of this Queen.

She writes,

“A fathers affection is an expression I’ve only read about or seen in movies, i can’t say what it is from experience because I have not felt it and it feels late to , so I probably will never know what it’s like, biologically , I mean .

I’m lucky to not be a prey to an abusive father, mine was just unapologetically absent.

Mum will try many times to fill the space but there’s only so much she can do. He’d be home every once a week, became once or twice a month then never again. He’d often call me and my sister names; bastards, foolish children, okporoko heads 😂(we laugh at this one as it actually sounds funny, until we realized it meant the head of a brainless fish)😔. The pattern went on and on until I stopped picking calls from him.

Last I remember seeing him was in 2007, after being involved in a ghastly motor accident and was asked for a relatives phone number. For some absurd reason, the only one I remembered after regaining consciousness was his, before going blank again. He showed up at the hospital 2 weeks, after the incident.

That accident changed everything for me, literally. Asides from my IQ being affected, it left me with ugly scars on parts of my body. Didn’t only feel unloved, also felt not as intelligent and not beautiful enough. I could bet I needed therapy, but therapy is not a thing where I’m from.

Everyone was concerned about the physical/internal injury. The trauma lasted until low self esteem creeped in fully.

Grew up a naive, shy, timid little girl; even tagged myself agoraphobic (Fear of places and situations that might cause panic, helplessness, or embarrassment ) and a loner just to excuse myself from meeting people or going out of my comfort zone.

I didn’t want anyone in my life, scared they’d leave like my daddy did.

I’d cry each time my friends spoke about their loving/caring dad, i wanted to be a daddy’s girl, so bad. I remember my cousins coming around with both of their parents to visit our grandparents . They’d look so happy and cared for, look down on us that had to live with grandma and grandpa. I hated every moment of my childhood.

Until I became of age, I dreaded Father’s Day. Reading all the efforts dads around the world put in place to put a smile on their little one’s face gets me in my mood always. People will notice I never talk about him and ask questions like “You have a dad, right?”, Embarrassed, I always responded, “No”. Then they go, “I’m so sorry”, like my response meant that he’s dead. No he’s not dead, I have a biological dad, not an acting one.

Every relationship with an opposite sex as I got older was me finding a father figure in a boy, -almost the impossible-

It’s tough I must say, especially also growing up with a fanatic as a mum who while dealing with, you don’t have an opinion. I trust the separation took its toll on her and the energy directly transferred to the kids because we had our fair share.

I grew up in fear, fear of the unknown because it’s what mum taught me do, FEAR!

I’m still a work in progress but I can bet the low self esteem is out the way.

I began reading motivational books at age 11, as it was me setting a reasonable foundation for myself. It helped a lot in being more of a realist than pity partying my entire existence. I would recite words daily just so it’s sticks, words to basically help me think more positively of myself and future, release a little fearful energy and let peace reign.

I made this decision for myself , I wasn’t going to allow situations define me or who I amount to. So far, I am not even anywhere close to perfection, however, reading the Bible gave me thorough insight of God’s promises for me. I didn’t need to be perfect to experience the blessings listed there. Why? Because God is a father to all and His love for me is unconditional; it’s not based on my perfection, neither is it based on my flaws ! A Good Good father, He is ! I understood to the in-depth that His love for me isn’t dependent on how perfect I am because in truth, no one is perfect.

He has been my father even before I was conceived. Engaging with this spirituality daily opened my eyes to how I was created in the image of my true father , one who cares so much as to even die for me.

Today, my biological father is alive, remarried and proud of me and my sister as his only kids. Lives he didn’t wait to nurture, children that he left to fend for themselves all through their youthful days. It was hard living with the fact but forgiveness is divine.

I forgave and forgive him to be at peace with myself not because he deserves to be forgiven. We don’t deserve to be forgiven as God’s children, but even still , He forgives us.

Now, I live at peace having in mind, i owe my kids the best biological father in the world. I live, growing each day at a time , knowing fully well, He is with me as I journey through life. I live , bold ”

Boye, Paulina Sharon

29th December , 2018.

THE BRAVE SERIES : PART 1

For weeks, I’ve pondered upon what to bring to you, my reader; that which will help you as you journey through life more than I’ve been able to give so far. I have always posted what I have learned and I’m honoured to have you learn from me . However, I said to myself, “why don’t they learn from others as well?”.. it took me some time to put things together to bring you an amazing series, called , ” the brave series” it features amazing people who are fast growing and heading for the top.

Our first star is Olarinmoye Oluwamayowa, a student at the university of Lagos, model, fast growing writer and a lover of music and books .

She writes,

“When I was asked to write about my life story and how it has totally transformed me, I couldn’t pick a moment because a lot of things have happened to me in which aided in my growth.
Is it my insecurity? Fear of failing? Learning how to trust God ? Letting go of the need for people’s validation? My spirituality? It’s a lot but I’m going to focus on my insecurity and how I got past it.

Over 4 years ago, I was the girl who needed people’s validations. No day passed without me comparing myself to a fellow specie or without me asking someone if I was beautiful. Lol weird right? I know and funny how I’ve met people who went through the same phase too. But the truth is that’s what’s beautiful about our human self. – The ability to evolve, grow and let go of bad habits.
As I lived with my insecurity, a lot of thoughts creeped in as I also compared myself to people . I’d tell myself I was ugly. I needed people to tell me I was beautiful before actually believing it and even when they did, I thought they were lying and they just said it just to make me feel good.

You know, sometimes our thoughts are backed by so much insecurity, that they create lies we believe. Me being ugly was a lie I began to believe but fast forward to when I encountered God’s love like never before.

I remember when He (God) , asked how dare I call myself ugly because me calling myself ugly meant I was calling him ugly for HE created us in his image and likeness. He told me I was absolutely perfect the way I am and he made me exactly this way for a purpose ; I guess that’s why I model now lol.

Now, I don’t even want to change a thing about me and I don’t even need anyone to tell me I’m beautiful or I look good because all that matters is what God thinks about me. If I wake up every morning, waiting for a validation from a human like me, what’s going to happen if they don’t compliment me? I’d feel bad, so why would I want to dwell and rely on the words of individuals?
I’m beautiful because God says I am. I look good because God says I look good. I’m amazing because God thinks so too. I’m an imperfect perfection and that’s what makes me beautiful. The ability to embrace myself for who I am and to also embrace my flaws and my imperfections is what makes me beautiful.

Mr Odudu Essien, founder of Young Ecclesia Nation, who is also my spiritual father, played a big role in helping me get over my insecurities. He told me about the importance of early morning daily confessions. He encouraged me to look at myself in the mirror and say statements like “I am confident. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I am smart. I am of royal blood because I belong to the family of God”. Those statements absolutely helped purge me of my insecure thoughts.

Sometimes people come up to me and they say stuff like “oh I wish I had your body” and I tell them not to wish they did because they are absolutely perfect the way they are and the best person they could be really is their own self.
If you think you’re fat and it’s endangering to your health, then do the right thing by losing some weight but don’t let whatever negative stuff people tell you get to you because remember, it’s what God thinks about you that matters.

This is really a major story I can easily talk about because it’s a thing of the past and I’ve been able to overcome my major insecurity so I’m not ashamed to say I was an insecure individual. In fact, opening up about it reminds of the need to be confident and I’m grateful to God and the people who stood by me through this phase. Most importantly, I’m grateful to God for the woman I’m becoming. I can absolutely say I’m proud of my growth.

So beautiful people , Never compare yourself to anyone because it’s a battle you can never win. Do not underestimate yourself by comparing yourself to others. It’s our differences that make us unique and beautiful and always remember no one can make you inferior without your consent.

I really hope this little piece blessed you and if you’d like to ask questions or you need advice concerning this same issue or any issue at all, you could send me a dm on instagram or Twitter – @mayowaa_xo. God bless you always and forever.
Love May x”

Boye Paulina Sharon

20th November , 2018

Our First love !

Brought into an unknown world, we cry as to express discomfort, ” where am I ? , this is not home, I don’t know this place “, we cry out , and soon, not long after, the loving touch of a woman/man who you seem to know, the one you’ve connected with for a few months calm your nerves down and you feel comforted, for the love of a parent, is second to none , ” can I trust you to hold my heart and take care of my hurt ?”

We soon find a sweet taste of love sprinkled on our tongues, the sweet taste of milk, our only surviving hope at that point in time. We soon learn to call that person , mother or father , and although this may not be so all the time , we were once at the most fragile point of our lives , nurtured by someone, loved by someone, biological or not , a human looked at you and loved you, cared for you, bathe you , took it upon themselves to help clothe you , and that person is family.

We begin to grow, and we are introduced to our brothers , or sisters or just people that have come to make life just a little more frustrating but still fun for us, lol.

The memories we share of the days we’ve laughed, the days we’ve cried , the days we’ve lost , the days we’ve found, have remained memories of a lifetime.

Family is a person , family is two people , it’s three people , family is company, they are not the ones put into our lives to hurt us , I see that they are the ones put into our lives to challenge us to eventually become strong and independent people.

I have learnt that the ability to care for your family , spend time with your family, despite anything, is a key definition of love , because , nothing hurts more than saying, ” I wish ” and knowing it’s only a wish . The time spent with these ones can never be replaced , we may have friends again when we loose some, but these will forever remain the people we first connected with , they will never stop being family.

On this day , I write to remind you , that as much as we’ve grown, as much as we are striving for success, as much as you’ve been hurt , never forget family.

Before Jesus said it’s finished and died, he did something significant, John 19:27- ESV -” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home”.

It’s amazing that even before Jesus died , the last thing he made sure to do , was to make sure his family was taken care of .

My friends , I can not begin to share with you that I understand the pain that comes at times , the hurt , the fights , the tests , the betrayals that comes from family , yes , having a family isn’t easy , but I promise you , it’s worth it .

The best moments are shared with family , we share our greatest joys with no other than family , look back and think of the days you gotten the best results or news , the days you got into college and called up family, think about the best days of your life, the day you got your first job , and remember the ones who you shared the news with , and they rejoiced from their hearts with you, family.

And so…….

Our dear family ,

to the ones that know our darkest secrets and our deepest pain, to the ones that cry with us and laugh with us , to the ones who love us despite our imperfections , to the ones we’ve learned to love through it all , the ones we can call up at any time of the day and they are ready to help us , the ones that hurt us the most and cause us the most pain at times , the ones that go through the fire with us and can never be replaced by friends, to the ones who when we find ourselves in trouble help get us out of trouble together as though they were with us at the first instance , to the one that annoy us the most , our enemies in love, to family , this is a write-up to say , you are our deepest and most valued assets , the best gifts to us is family and we remain in love with you .

To our grand parents, our hero father, and virtuous mother, siblings of joy , best uncles, loving aunties, and great cousins, we , I appreciate you and honour you on this day.

I say thank you, for being available as chosen vessels of God’s Grace in my life .

Yours truly,

Your daughter

Sharon Paulina Boye.

23rd September, 2018.

A FRIEND

Dear reader,

Friends, they shape us and affect us in ways we see and don’t , it’s amazing that they contribute to about 70% if not more of our growth . They have effect on us more than we know. They are key influences of our growth , in all areas; spiritually, educationally, financially, whatever it may be . The friends we have tell a lot about our now and our tomorrow.

Who are our friends ? Many People have different ways to define who a friend is , and for me, I would say, a friend is someone who will help discipline and correct me even at the expense of our friendship , someone I can pray with , cry with , laugh with , fight with and settle with. Someone that sticks closer than a brother, a true friend.

The reason I added someone I can fight and settle with is , you can fight with someone and genuinely never settle with them or let go of the problem . There are certain people no matter how much we try to remain friends with , one argument can destroy it all , and i believe it’s because we’ve not learned to love despite, in that friendship.

We will be quick to say some things are not worth forgiving, and that is why I would ask, should we marry our friend ? I mean, how many divorces and traumas are we preparing for if we can’t value our everyday friendships ? I’m going to divert a little and say, we enter marriage sometimes as we enter friendships , we don’t take it seriously anymore , that’s why it’s soo easy to get a divorce these days , why ? We say because, “we don’t love each other anymore”, Really ?

This is a task I’m willing to take up, for everyone i call a friend, i must be willing to act as though we are married , lol, without the romance of course . Let’s think deeply about it , let it be like a contract, if I’m calling you my friend, you must be someone I’ve gotten to know , you must have values, be upright , and when situations and problems spring up , we are stuck together ! I’m serious, this will make you think and be selective and careful of those we call friends. I mean, why would the bible say a ,” friend ” is closer than a brother ? You have lived with a brother all your life ! You are not about to let just anybody be called a friend now are you ? Our siblings are gold and precious to us , and for you to seemingly have a deeper bond perhaps with me than I do with my sibling, it’s not a joke, it is to be taken seriously. In As much as we know A lot of people, it doesn’t make them all friends, also, as much as we like people , doesn’t mean we Marry all, right ?

Let’s take up this task together and start to carefully and cautiously select our friends, let’s remember, it’s like a marriage contract, similar ! I believe this will also help us when it’s time to get married for us who are single and for my lovely married people this challenge will help us value our spouse more, why ? Your spouse is first your friend before anything, one thing I’ve learnt from those I look up to.

A friend is someone you can pray with , I would say , it’s someone that even when we fight , and argue with , we can always go to the pillar and foundation of our relationship (God) and he will settle it, genuinely, in both hearts. For it’s one thing to think we’ve let go of a hurt , it’s another to actually let go .

Not all people are meant to be in our lives forever however , there are friends for seasons … I’m saying, whichever season you are in , whoever is your friend now , should be adding value , character, goodness to you. Someone who will help push you to the next level , and when it’s time for you to succeed, let’s you fly as an eagle and succeed . Someone you can be yourself with and still will never allow you do wrong and withdraw from correcting you . Someone who supports you together with your dreams and although they may do wrong to you at times, they learn to cherish your heart carefully the next time , even though they know what hurts you , they respect you and not use it against you when situations spring up. Someone who is for you. Someone who sticks closer than a brother, a true friend.

We should however, also learn to be a friend that sticks closer than a brother to others .

Would you join me in this task ? I challenge you today .

By the way, something amazing is coming up, watch out 😃.

Yours truly ,

Sharon Paulina Boye

15th August, 2018 .