Welcome back, Kings and Queens!
I hope you are doing well today? Please, do take care of yourself.
I believe after our topic last week, there is a need to also address issues married people go through. One which I wanted to discuss was intercourse/relationship between single ladies/men with married men/women; Please, if you want to have a glorious marriage for yourself, don’t destroy another person’s own or limit yourself from having one with your marriage. Please!
Moving on, I believe these married people were once single and most likely went through some of the issues discussed last week and so it’s important to know how the transition has been for them.
I am currently not married, and so, may not be in the best place to address the issues in marriage. So, I decided to speak to a total of 6 married men/women.
I asked them questions related to marriage and what they believe are prime problems in marriage.
While all marriages differ, I believe their answers will help guide singles as they make decisions about marriage and also help married people maintain Godly and fruitful marriages.
At the end of this blog post, you will be glad you read it, though a little lengthy, it is worthwhile. Please, do take detailed notes.
Below, you will find attached questions/request asked (each will be boldened) and their respective answers will follow suit. Some of them preferred that their names were not disclosed and so, we will honor their decisions.
QUESTION 1: What is the most common problem faced in marriages today?
- Sex, money and personality clash- Wunmi Izuagie, married for 19 years
2. Lack of proper Communication- married for 13 years
3.Understanding and tolerating each other- married for 31 years
4. Communication gap, mistrust, infidelity, lack of intimacy, lack of forgiveness, lack of commitment, and lack of the fear of God –Pastor Mrs. Deborah Kunuyi
5. Unfaithfulness, lack of communication, lack of sexual satisfaction, childbearing issues, financial problems, interference from In-laws Accommodation issues, medical issues e.t.c- Rose Buernorkie Nanor, married for 14 years
6. One’s expectations before marriage continues , with one party not considering age and probably health issues that may have crept in over the years- married for 31 years
@paulinaboye In summary, what I, have learned that are key problems in marriages today and should strive to avoid in my marriage by God’s grace focuses mainly on lack of effective communication, this may then lead to the spouses not being able to understand and tolerate each other over the years as they face other key issues such as lack of sexual satisfaction, lack of forgiveness, financial issues, health issues, in -law-related issues and so on.
How about you? What’s your take-home from what’s been shared on problems in marriages today?
QUESTION 2: What key solution would you offer to address the problem stated above?
- Godly living and tolerance –Wunmi Izuagie, married for 19 years
2. Ask the Holy Spirit to teach you and guide you on how to communicate with your spouse, spend time studying and learning each other love languages.– married for 13 years
3. Have sincere and truthful conversations devoid of fear with one another. – married for 31 years
4. Receiving salvation, you ought to seek/receive God’s will before marriage, have ceaseless prayers, apply the word of God in your marriage, be surrounded by an effective community to guide you, have sacrificial love, and total trust in each other.-Pastor Mrs. Deborah Kunuyi
5. Child birth can be addressed by seeking medical help early. Couples should plan for their own home to have privacy–Rose Buernorkie Nanor, married for 14 years
6. All activities and expectations should be fairly handled by both parties. One party should not feel shortchanged. When it comes to chores, both spouses should get involved and not one party left to handle all– married for 31 years
@paulinaboye Wow, as though I was reading a book, I had to highlight these key solutions so we do not ignore them. Wow, many at times, we singles or newly married people do not think these are important, I mean having truthful conversations devoid of fear, sacrificial love, and tolerance, being taught how to communicate by the Holy Spirit, planning for privacy in marriage, applying the word of God during marriage not only when praying for marriage, both parties getting involved in activities and so on? Coming from people married for this long and are still keeping it real, I would take key tips from here and hold firmly onto them.
Don’t forget to note down points.
REQUEST 1: Please, offer one major and practical advice you will give to single people dealing with pressing sexual desires.
- Get an accountability partner who you can trust with the information and isn’t a predator-Wunmi Izuagie, married for 19 years
- Ask the help of the Holy Spirit, make conscious efforts to avoid situations that stir up sexual desires like pornographic books, videos, being alone with the opposite sex, heavy petting, and physical activities- married for 13 years.
- Studying and practicing the word of God deliberately –married for 31 years.
- Marriage is not for spiritual/physical/emotional/financial babies, hold on and get matured, seek and hear well, then obey Christ by living to cleaving forever.-Pastor Mrs. Deborah Kunuyi.
- 1st Corinthians 7:2, 9,” 7 nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband. 9 but if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn”-Rose Buernorkie Nanor, married for 14 years
- See that yielding to that desire is a big sin before God. Don’t give in to temptations of it and flee from the person causing/triggering it if there is another party involved- married for 31 years
REQUEST 2: Please, offer one major and practical advice you will give to married individual’s dealing with problems as a result of sexual decisions they made in their past.
1.Seek God’s help. Talk to professionals who can help you.-Wunmi Izuagie, married for 19 years
2.Ask God for healing and directions, remember there is absolutely nothing He cannot do- married for 13 years
3. God is ever merciful so you can grow from your past mistakes- married for 31 years
4.God is the Author of Marriage, He is also a merciful God. Forgive yourself and draw closer to God, he can sustain you through thick and thin – Keep calling and trusting in him, He can fix it.-Pastor Mrs. Deborah Kunuyi
5. They should have a fresh start and have regular sex. They can also have a sexual timetable –Rose Buernorkie Nanor married for 14 years
6. Own it, face it and deal with the problem. Don’t push or forcefully involve your spouse while solving the issue- married for 31 years
I particularly appreciate how open they were to involve God in the topic of sex, lol. Two major things you can also do after involving God are involving counselors and try having timetables or regular sex (for the married only)
But wait! Someone has something to add, She is the youngest in marriage amongst all the participants, however, she has some key tips for both singles and married.
Sprinkles of Wisdom by a 7-year-old married woman
To singles, effective communication is key, but it’s also important to marry your friend because honestly, butterflies and lovey-dovey feelings fly out the window fast when personality differences start rearing heads.
Friendship is what helps start the communication in the first place.
Before marriage, the couple should talk about expectations they have for each other and their marriage, that way you know what is a deal-breaker and what isn’t. You can’t change a person’s personality, only God and the Holy Spirit can, it is why you need to talk about these things during courtship. Talk about your likes, dislikes, how you both react when angry, and notice and observe as well because you don’t want to spend all the years after the wedding praying for God to change the other person
Also, before getting married, work on yourself, make sure, you yourself will like to be married to you. Ask God to make you the woman/man for your husband/wife. Most times we focus on,” God please change this person, instead of God change me and make me the best person I can be for myself and to my spouse.”
For the married, be friends, respect your differences, love, and be committed to doing your part, that’s the Agape Love. Focus on playing your part, that way, you don’t have time to see faults in your partner every day. We are obviously not perfect, but we strive for perfection through the help of Christ, and every day we get better. Speak life daily on how you want your home to be and to your partner in and outside their presence. Speak all these into existence and find ways to create laughter every day.
REQUEST 3: I humbly ask that you say a word of prayer over everyone, single/married who will read your comments.
- Lord, I pray that everyone who will read these comments will align to your will for marriage in the name of Jesus. Dear Lord, help everyone struggling in their sexual lives or marriages in Jesus name-Wunmi Izuagie married for 19 years
2. Oh Lord I pray everyone going through one situation or the other, that you will meet them at the point of their needs, that you exchange their weaknesses for your strength and make them whole and complete in you in Jesus name.- married for 13 years
3. Lord, help us by the agency of the Holy Spirit to live a life worthy of your Name.- married for 31 years
4. As God lives, I decree your Marriage shall be heaven on earth in Jesus’ name.-Pastor Mrs. Deborah Kunuyi
5. It is my prayer that God will heal every home and help us all- Rose Buernorkie Nanor, married for 14 years.
6. May you find rest in your home- married for 31 years
7. Our Heavenly Father, we thank you for the lives of all readers and contributors here. We ask in your mercy, that wisdom be given to each of us (married & single) that we may pursue the marriage covenant according to your direction and guidance. May our relationships be fruitful and may we fulfill your kingdom purpose in Jesus’ name- married for 7 years.
Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen! And amen! Thank you, Jesus, marriages are being restored and singles are being settled appropriately!
Have you learned a thing or two? I hope you have.
I will be here by God’s grace rooting for you all through your journey to success regardless of the area of your life. If we shall succeed triumphantly in every aspect of our lives, we shall also have glorious marriages! Amen!
I honor every participant that made this article a success. Thank you for praying over every reader. May God dry every tear of sorrow if any and multiply you and your home with laughter, joy and His glory. Your marriages are fruitful in the name of Jesus. Thank you! I honor you.
Paulina Sharon Boye
8th December, 2020